Grief is a natural, emotional response to loss. The grief process is a very personal one and everyone experiences grief and loss in a different way. Though it may seem overwhelming at times, grief is an important part of the healing process. With acceptance and grief counseling, feelings of grief and loss do decrease over time.
Grief is generally not a permanent condition--the feelings usually subside gradually over a matter of weeks, months or years, depending on the person and the degree of loss. No specific grief timeline exists, as each person experiences grief in his own way and in his own time. People often associate grief with the death of a loved one, but any painful loss can cause grief. For example, you may experience feelings of grief and loss after a:
Grief and loss can cause both emotional and physical symptoms. Even though everyone experiences grief differently, the symptoms are generally the same. Emotional and physical symptoms often evident in the grief process include:
In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross presented the five stages of grief in her groundbreaking book, "On Death and Dying." Based on her research with terminally ill patients, Kübler-Ross outlined the five stages of grief that many people go through in reaction to impending death. In the ensuing years, professionals worldwide have adapted these five stages of grief to all types of loss: 1. Denial: When in denial, we often become numb and do not allow ourselves to believe that the loss actually happened. Denial is a defense mechanism that allows us to come to accept our feelings of grief gradually. 2. Anger: In this second stage of grief and loss, we may be very angry at the world or at the person who left us, especially in the case of death. We may also be angry with ourselves for "allowing" the loss to occur, even if we couldn't have done anything to prevent it. 3. Bargaining: In this stage of grieving, we attempt to work out a deal, sometimes with a higher power or with ourselves or other people, to somehow retract the loss. For example, "I will give all my money to charity if I can live just five more years," is an example of bargaining. 4. Depression: After bargaining, we may slip into a deep sadness and detachment. Feelings in this stage often result from the realization that the loss cannot be fixed or changed and the belief that life won't get better. 5. Acceptance: Often considered the final stage of the grief process, we are able to accept the reality of our loss and begin to move forward again in life. The five stages of grief don't necessarily proceed in order, nor does every grieving person experience all the stages in the grief process. People grieve differently and some go through stages quite quickly, while others skip stages entirely. Some may find themselves stuck in the first four stages of grief for months, unable to come to an acceptance of their loss, while others quickly come to the acceptance stage. Most people experience the five stages of grief in a roller coaster-like fashion, going back and forth between the stages several times before finally accepting the reality of the loss. In 1984, bereavement expert Dr. Roberta Temes studied and wrote about three alternative, but similar, stages of grief in her book "Living With an Empty Chair: A Guide Through Grief": 1. Numbness: Numbness is the first means of dealing with shock, and is typified by a sense that life is a dream and you're just "going through the motions." This stage usually begins right after the loss and can last for several months. 2. Disorganization: After numbness, a person begins to feel the intense pain of loss, and may experience anxiety, panic and other overwhelming feelings. 3. Reorganization: In the reorganization phase, people begin to reenter life and feel "normal" again.
The pain of grief and loss can be intense and, in an effort not to feel pain, you may push away the very people who can help you the most. The support of others can be the most important factor in enabling you to heal from your loss. Sources of support to help you through the grief process include:
In addition to enlisting the support of others, you also need to find ways to take care of yourself during this difficult time, such as:
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross Foundation. (n.d.). About grief. Retrieved April 19, 2011, from http://www.ekrfoundation.org/about-grief Kübler-Ross, E. and Kessler, D. (n.d.). The five stages of grief. Retrieved April 19, 2011, from http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/ Smith, M. and Segal, J. (2011). Coping with grief and loss. Retrieved April 19, 2011, from http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm Temes, R. (1984). Living With an Empty Chair: A Guide Through Grief. Far Hills, NJ: New Horizon. The Light Beyond. (2007). Death and grief: When will you start to feel better? Retrieved April 19, 2011, from http://www.thelightbeyond.com/death_and_grief_when_will_you_start_to_feel_better_.html
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