Why are we so frightened of being alone?

Orson Welles was once quoted as saying “We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for a moment that we are not alone.”

Whether you agree with this particularly Buddhist sentiment or not, the fact is that for many people loneliness is one of the most feared of emotions.

The idyll is that we are constantly surrounded by the love and warmth of friends and family; the feel good factor that we see portrayed in idealistic TV shows such as Friends and Cheers. But as much as we would like there to be an idyllic scenario, the truth is that even the happiest families have to face difficult times.

So instead of chasing a utopia that we will never be able to achieve, how about acceptance of the reality, to reverse George Bush senior’s famous quote, perhaps we should be more like the Simpsons and less like the Waltons. Accepting that our families aren’t perfect and never will be, might be the first step to the realization that whether we are alone or with family and friends, we still suffer.

The Buddhist tenet that life is suffering springs to mind. According to this, once we accept this as a fact, life becomes easier. So what about accepting our aloneness rather than fighting it, the same way that psychologists tell people to accept their depression rather than fighting it.

Our fears are exacerbated by the constant bombardment of images that tell us not only how we should look, what shape our body should be and even how we should live within the ideals of the nuclear family with a set amount of friends

Maybe, just maybe our fear of being alone is far greater than the reality.

But let’s look at the positive side of loneliness; there is always a positive side to every situation no matter how bleak it looks, if you look hard enough.

So, one could argue that it’s not the loneliness, it’s how you relate to the loneliness. How many times have you found yourself in the midst of a large social gathering or a business meeting and yearned for some time to yourself, some peace and quiet – a little bit of aloneness all of your very own. So why not accept it, welcome it and even embrace the positive.

One good example of this change of mindset is when people who have no children have started to call themselves as ‘child-free’ rather than ‘child-less’ a small but immensely empowering change of perception.

So let’s take a look at the positive side to being alone. To start with you can you watch the movies you like, eat the food you like and listen to the music that you like. Space to read to write, to do all the things you want to do and perhaps even enjoy your own company.

Embrace loneliness don’t fight it. I once heard someone ask a person sitting on their own if they were lonely. His simple answer revealed a great deal about his character, when he replied “I am alone, but I’m not lonely.”