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Skinny people take up more space in the world than fat people. Now, before you have a hissy fit, give me a minute to explain. You know what a carbon footprint is, right? Well suppose each of us also has a Twitter footprint, a measurement of the quantity of thoughts one puts out into cyberspace? And what about a Housekeeper footprint, measuring the amount of work we create for another person? The footprint I'm fascinated with is the Impudence Footprint. It's based on my theory that skinny people take up more space in the world than fat people.
I am a person of excessive size. I am constantly aware of my body and the space it takes up.
I can look at a table set-up in a restaurant and instantly discern the path I need to take in order to reach my table without having my ass brush up against even a single chair.
When shopping in a store with narrow aisles, I keep my eagle eyes glued on everyone else, in case someone needs to get past me. In addition, when I move in front of or around other people I do so with the greatest of caution and ALWAYS with an “Excuse me” or “Pardon me.”
When traveling by air alone I spend my time seated in a constant state of flex; tensing every part of my body in an attempt to keep from even marginally encroaching on my neighbors' space. I kid you not, I have spent entire flights with my buttocks clenched, contorting my spine away from my seatmates in a state of pseudo-scoliosis.
If I am carrying bags, or heaven forbid, wearing a backpack in a crowded space, I mentally calculate the additional space and make sure to figure it into any movements I might make. My mind is constantly at work to assure that my body is never, at any time, in your way.
I am the Werner Heisenberg of my body and the space it takes up in this world.
Why?
Because contrary to what you might think, I do not want my body touching you any more than you do not want my oversized body to touch you. You don't want my ass grazing your shoulder as I walk down the aisle of an airplane? Well surprise, friend, I don't want it to either. In fact, I don't even want you LOOKING at my body, much less feeling unwanted contact between us. I do not relish the thought of our arms brushing against one another, and I dread the idea that I might accidentally cause you to feel my doughy gut as we pass each other in a crowd.
So, I calculate and I flex and I veer and stretch and contort to avoid it.
A skinny person will fling her gigantic purse over her shoulder without the slightest glance behind her. He will meander without caution while wearing a backpack that adds 12-16 inches to his depth, spinning around without concern for anyone around him. A skinny person will not think twice about crossing his legs while seated in an airplane, dangling his knees or feet in the personal space of those around him. Skinny people always use any shared armrest in their vicinity, and they do not pay heed to their own sharp elbows. A skinny person will stand in the middle of store aisles, at any time, legs akimbo, arms splaying about, as she uses her hands to talk, usually into a cell phone. A gaggle of thin people does not walk single file, EVER. Even on the smallest of sidewalks. Skinny people fill the air around them with the sound of their own voices, drawing attention to themselves in every way possible, again, often on a cell phone. At a restaurant or coffee shop, a skinny person will never hesitate to take a table larger than he really needs. A skinny person plants his slender frame at a table meant for four, and then makes a nest of his belongings, phone over there, shopping bags over here, backpack or purse on a chair.
The cerebral and corporeal aura of any skinny person will outsize that of any overweight person any moment of any day in any place in the world. Is this a generality? Of course it is, but is it a fairly accurate one? Of course it is!
I can say these things because I’ve been on both sides. I’ve been the morbidly obese lady who wants to disappear (or at least fly in the cargo hold) and I’ve been the svelte one without a shred of regard. So the next time you find yourself bemoaning the thought of sitting next to the chubby gal on that 45 minute flight, afraid she might steal your wee bag of pretzels, take a look around you. The size of your impudence footprint might surprise you.
Photo 1: Ingo Bernhardt, Creative Commons 2.0
Photo 2: (RSS feed) Ariel de Silva Parreira